after death did us part
It’s been five years since my late husband passed away. I made the mistake of scrolling through Facebook this week. People miss him. They miss the conversations they had–the long talks, his ability to make them laugh, the companionship. I didn’t have those things with him. Even early in our marriage, we didn’t have many conversations that were filled with laughter or deep...
Many years ago for one Christmas, my then-mother-in-law gave me a pair of scissors for my kitchen. They were nice, sharp scissors with a plastic sheath, and I still use them today. A couple of years later, my now-late husband asked where his scissors were. His scissors? I didn’t know what he was talking about. He clarified that he meant the scissors that belonged in the kitchen drawer. I...
There are so many ways a widowed person feels guilt: survivor’s guilt, parental guilt, guilt for not saying the right thing before their spouse died, guilt for doing something that might’ve have changed the course of history, and guilt for feeling relief that “death did us part.” It’s ridiculous how many ways we and other people impose guilt on us. It’s been on...
It was weird when I became a widow and noticed most of the marketing of services or help for widows showed smiling, little, old ladies who were widowed in their eighties, like my grandmother. I am not one of those women. I’m in my mid-forties with a few gray, glitter strands that have been accumulating since my late twenties. And I didn’t feel much like smiling for a long time. After my...
It’s been 4.5 years since my late husband died of liver cancer. He kept his illness secret and made me do the same. I covered for him to honor his wishes not to tell his coworkers and his sisters and my own family. Even his father didn’t know the extent of what was wrong with him. Only his mother knew almost as much as I did, but I was his nurse for his last four months and knew...
The other day, I was talking with my best friend about how sad to hear about our friends having trouble in their marriages or divorcing. Some are trying to save their marriages. Others had divorce papers sprung on them by their cheating spouses. Others drifted apart. They have those choices. Being widowed can feel like a type of breakup–one you can’t control, didn’t expect...
after death did us part
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