after death did us part

CategoryBeing independent

Old Connections are Difficult or Non-existent

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In the widowed Twitterverse, I see quite a few widowed people talk about how friends disappeared after their spouses passed away. I think there are a few reasons that this happens. First, the friends don’t know what to do or say or how to act around us. One of my late husband’s friends of over twenty years has never reached out to me after the memorial. We’re still Facebook...

On Allowing Ourselves to be Us

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There were many times that I wondered why he married me. He spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to change me into something I wasn’t. For 23 years of marriage, I did everything I could to be that person he wanted. The perfect professional worker, the perfect housekeeper, the perfect stay-at-home mom, the perfect sexy lover. Needless to say, I failed to achieve perfection. What I did...

On Not Being Helpless

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It was weird when I became a widow and noticed most of the marketing of services or help for widows showed smiling, little, old ladies who were widowed in their eighties, like my grandmother. I am not one of those women. I’m in my mid-forties with a few gray, glitter strands that have been accumulating since my late twenties. And I didn’t feel much like smiling for a long time. After my...

Making Decisions

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I’d spent a great deal of my marriage hearing that I wasn’t capable of making decisions. “Make a decision… but not that one,” was something he said to me often. It was infuriating to decide what to have for dinner or which route to take to go somewhere and then be overruled. “Why did you make that?” “Why did you drive that way?” It got to the...

A Letter to the Former Sister-in-Law

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In the first few months after he died, you called me to talk. Those two or three phone calls were for you to cry about how unfair it was and for me to give you comfort for losing your brother. He was selfish enough on his deathbed that he didn’t want you to know. In his own twisted, not-right mind, he thought he was helping you by not allowing you to see him waste away into nothing. He...

New Privacy Policy Things

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Even though this blog is really new to the world, it needs to show how your data is being used just in case anyone from the EU comments or follows. Please update your email preference HERE or by using the links at the bottom of the notification email.
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My House Is Not a Shrine

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One of my neighbors told me that her mother passed away over twenty years ago. My friend was in her early twenties at the time. Her dad never cleaned out her mother’s side of the closet. Over twenty years later, he was still living with his late wife’s clothes and belongings where she’d left them. My heart goes out to him. I know a woman in her late sixties who was widowed a few months ago. I...

Being Widowed Doesn’t Mean Being Helpless

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I’ve seen lots of pictures of elegant, gray-haired women who are the images of widows for different support websites and products. I am not one of those women. I’m in my mid-forties. My gray hair started growing in as glitter strands when I was in my twenties. I know many little, old ladies who were widowed in their seventies and eighties. Most of them knew nothing about their finances or even...

after death did us part

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