after death did us part

CategoryRevelations

A Pair of Scissors

A

Many years ago for one Christmas, my then-mother-in-law gave me a pair of scissors for my kitchen. They were nice, sharp scissors with a plastic sheath, and I still use them today. A couple of years later, my now-late husband asked where his scissors were. His scissors? I didn’t know what he was talking about. He clarified that he meant the scissors that belonged in the kitchen drawer. I...

Sh*t I’ve Found: The Front Door

S

It’s been a while since I’ve posted about random stuff he left behind–the things he kept or did but would have flipped out if any of us had done the same thing. I’m preparing to paint the front door, and I see how the door handle base doesn’t match where the original door handle was. The newer one is a different shape. He’d said he would fix it but never did...

On Feeling Guilty

O

There are so many ways a widowed person feels guilt: survivor’s guilt, parental guilt, guilt for not saying the right thing before their spouse died, guilt for doing something that might’ve have changed the course of history, and guilt for feeling relief that “death did us part.” It’s ridiculous how many ways we and other people impose guilt on us. It’s been on...

Grateful, Even in Uncertain Times

G

It’s been five years since my late husband began his rapid decline from liver cancer. At this point, he refused hospice care, deciding he’d live at home and distance himself from everyone so no one would know he was getting weaker. I’ve told that story. This is about now. In the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, my kids and I are staying home. I’m not risking our health. My...

Navigating the Fog of Grief

N

Even though we didn’t have a great marriage anymore and I’d thought about escaping him many times, I was hit by a huge fog of grief when he died. The trauma of his illness, the violence of that illness in his last three days, and the feelings of not knowing who I was were the beginning of a surreal fog that is a common thing that protects grieving people when they need to make...

Making Decisions

M

I’d spent a great deal of my marriage hearing that I wasn’t capable of making decisions. “Make a decision… but not that one,” was something he said to me often. It was infuriating to decide what to have for dinner or which route to take to go somewhere and then be overruled. “Why did you make that?” “Why did you drive that way?” It got to the...

Keeping Secrets

K

It’s been 4.5 years since my late husband died of liver cancer. He kept his illness secret and made me do the same. I covered for him to honor his wishes not to tell his coworkers and his sisters and my own family. Even his father didn’t know the extent of what was wrong with him. Only his mother knew almost as much as I did, but I was his nurse for his last four months and knew...

after death did us part

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