after death did us part

Tagrefinding joy

On Allowing Ourselves to be Us

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There were many times that I wondered why he married me. He spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to change me into something I wasn’t. For 23 years of marriage, I did everything I could to be that person he wanted. The perfect professional worker, the perfect housekeeper, the perfect stay-at-home mom, the perfect sexy lover. Needless to say, I failed to achieve perfection. What I did...

Navigating the Fog of Grief

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Even though we didn’t have a great marriage anymore and I’d thought about escaping him many times, I was hit by a huge fog of grief when he died. The trauma of his illness, the violence of that illness in his last three days, and the feelings of not knowing who I was were the beginning of a surreal fog that is a common thing that protects grieving people when they need to make...

When the Loss of a Spouse Feels More Like a Breakup…

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The other day, I was talking with my best friend about how sad to hear about our friends having trouble in their marriages or divorcing. Some are trying to save their marriages. Others had divorce papers sprung on them by their cheating spouses. Others drifted apart. They have those choices. Being widowed can feel like a type of breakup–one you can’t control, didn’t expect...

The Sh*t I’ve Found 1: Music

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When we clean out closets and drawers and places, the things we find often spark memories. Not all these memories are good ones. For me, many of these are reminders that he wanted me to be someone I wasn’t. Cleaning out stuff is like upsetting the bottom of the lake and muddying the waters. That’s how it feels to me. I know that after I clean out the clutter, the water will clear. When I got my...

after death did us part

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